Happy Women Day

I spent a beautiful day in honor of Women's Day by doing the work that I love. At noon I met with a pregnant couple and had the pleasure, accompanied by one of my wonderful students. One of my duties as a doula, I feel it is women with the internal resources they need to combine to bring their birth / parenting experiences. It was wonderful to learn how this lady had some serious work to heal their lives in active problems and create healthy boundaries done. This kind of emotional process inventory and work will do wonders for the release of energy bound by our past, creating more resources available with which to birth. I was so glad to see what was natural to my apprentice, took the opportunity to really honor this woman's work, she connects with the value of what they had done for herself, and her future child. I could also feel a strong desire of the woman partner, a big supporter of birth. We fed that desire and emphasized how valuable it is to have a partner affectionate to do his best to help his child into the world to have committed. There are so many ways in which our culture builds the image of the people, real dufuses during birth, and it's just not fair. Sure, some couples prefer, for whatever reason, fewer hands to partner, and that's fine, if both parties in agreement and honor each other's expectations. But from my personal experience, I think if a man really have invested in it for his wife and child, who are willing to embrace her experience as an expression of power by themselves to be vulnerable, open, and a rock all at the same time, the experience is even more special. It is an amazing opportunity, sticking together, starting off new parenthood on performance basis as a dedicated team. Next date was with another beautiful apprentice company. We have a first prenatal meeting with a couple we had not personally met before, so we were both on the same level. I just love getting to know people and to get a feel for what help they can have the best experience possible. I learned that this couple have great resources in terms of the situation in which to relax and cope with stress. What I felt was mentioned the most in this session was to create enthusiasm for the normal process of birth. We are enculturated tell each other scary stories, project our fears on innocent pregnant women who become too scared to even some of the more normal dreams infused them with that fear. So, to neutralize it, I tell good stories and books recommend, not full of alarming advice, but wonderful, triumphant stories. It does not fool them to women who feel positively about their upcoming birth experience. Confident they do not rose-colored glasses on them. This seems to be what we want to believe women when they feel positive about birth, they are more hurt if things do not go as expected. So we seem to us to take them out of what we expect to save, is, their feelings of failure or disappointment of "remind" them of the harsh reality with all the birth stories of woe we can muster. Good stories to tell and to discuss birth as a wonderful thing, reduces fear of fear itself be responsible for many of the challenges in labor and delivery, not an airy fairy plane, but a real, physiological, hormonal level. Confidence and hope are resources, not foolish fantasies of the uninitiated and ignorant as we tell our stories with our obsession with terrible drama of pregnant women tend to imply full. So much can be cured simply by changing the melody of our stories. Our telling of stories is the story good medicine at the highest level. My third meeting was a new mother and father. Again I had the pleasure of accompanying, this time from an experienced mother wit apprentice. We have to join together a few times, and I love her strong, loving presence. She radiates security and performance. Our baby pair had fed some problems, but it was great to see these greedy little munchkin again gobbling up milk like there's no tomorrow, fat and pooping up a storm. Mom was exhausted, however, and was putting a brave face while clearly felt nothing of the requirements of the growth spurt nursing, fatigue and a baby who will not sleep without being in constant contact with a parent in question. And Dad, well, he has only anchor to do everything, all the many beautiful things unseen do new fathers to support their partners and children, as well as the whole time they feel like they know how overwhelmed. Win it does something to my heart to adult professionals, people who have lived outside in the world, tons of life experience, masters of what they do, be reduced in order to include amateurs, when her baby held in her arms for the first time to see. I am filled with the most motherly feelings, not for newborns, but also for the new-born parents. It does not matter who we are or how many degrees we have, or places we've traveled. When we have our own first baby, we are brand new and experience the joy, triumph, discouragement and frustration, trying something we have never done before to master. But we do it with the hearts of those who never invested before, love and responsibility being so big, it gave us the language in the areas we think makes switching between diapers. We also try all the endless tasks of the new baby care is sometimes manage to empty. Life does not come more specific, it is difficult to rest, to get food, and support we need in order to do this sacred work with as many resources as we could if we were only a little more care. A doula can visit on the point, what to cut in terms of required resources, while acknowledging all the positive things going on (but not in an annoying, "Count Your Blessings" preachy way). As is typical for postpartum visits, we were tired of parents who needed more sleep, and tips on how to get baby (or at least try) to sleep. Baby was not happy with lying on their backs to sleep alone. Not that it causes intense pain, but she just woke up every time she was taken down and cried, for the enterprise. It's easy to say, "Well, they hold all the time then," when we enthusiastic about attachment parenting, we are ourselves, but for those not used to such intense physical contact all the time, the Council may, feelings of helplessness . increase We gently about how many babies actually prefer most of the time, as always, to life outside the cozy lap used instead of talk, but we also like to have some tools to try to give parents so that they can decide for themselves to calm their fussy baby like. We showed (taking into account wins, this baby skin to skin and sisters is like a champion) has some tips diapers and baby to reduce gas in the stomach. The parents were tears flow at the intake of overwhelm, and the guilt that always seems to get too overwhelmed with emotion. Although I personally think, feel overwhelmed by the birth of a child is quite reasonable. It is not easy! Sometimes when I show someone a way to get her baby she kept calm and then lie down and they stay asleep, it makes them feel like they've been missing something crucial and strengthened feelings of their imagined inadequacy. I am sensitive to that, and they have to remind you that I (not to mention have shown, colic stops and-down techniques to countless hundreds of parents) 20 years and four babies in the value of mothering experience to have but suddenly I was in exactly the same position with the world's colicky baby. From a few months though, I was an expert, and I assured them they will be, too. There is a nothing like learning in the field. I got good advice from my mother, my grandmother, my midwife, my doula and La Leche League friends to help me along the way. Parenting is part instinct, part of it to find out. We learn how to be qualified parents, not only from books and intuition, but by lovingly taught skills from other parents or people with a lot of experience with babies. How do we "experts" relay these skills is very important because it is a fine balance between building financial resources and unsolicited advice to stir up our own egos. So it is always important that you know new parents, we all overwhelmed as newcomers felt at a certain point, that their feelings are completely normal, and that in fact, I'm still overwhelmed a lot, because I never had a teenager had before, or a daughter about to leave the nest. I have with my friends, the children are grown up learning all the time, ways to cope with new challenges to consult. We are still novices at a certain stage of parenthood. But nobody is quite as sensitive, tired, hormonal and as parent of a newborn, so that our resource-saving building shall have and motivate them, filled with confidence that makes them beautiful. You must know that only their desire to try to show their willingness to late at night for those who feed and massive, up the back poop-alanches, her heart's desire to be good for this teeny little piece of man, makes BRILLIANT. I left these parents with a few ideas how to get more sleep, for dates of our wit Mom Group to reduce the feeling of isolation and have a space that can be exchanged in the mother to mother support by those in the same boat, and the number the one I trust, osteopath, some of the problems of tensions and difficulties in resolving this wee man prone. Often it is as simple as a small cranial / sacral orientation to the digestion and relaxation to help in a newborn. We left them with big hugs and promises that it will be easier and they feel that soon the situation would rule over her. It was a great day, and now I get to hang out with my younger teenage daughter and her friend to wrap up a wonderful Women's Day. Blessings to all of you precious women out there.

Preparing for Birth

I hit the 20 week mark in my pregnancy on Wednesday of this week!  I can't believe that it is halfway over already.  Honestly, I'm looking forward to the later stages of pregnancy.  They are my favorite part of being pregnant.  I'm also really looking forward to experiencing labor again.  Labor really is a magical thing as much hard work as it is. The second trimester is a great time to start preparing yourself both mentally and physically for the task of labor and birth.  At this point in pregnancy, there is plenty of time to solidify plans, evaluate those you have chosen as your caregivers, and to find a place of confidence from which you will draw during the labor and birth process.  If you haven't already, the second trimester is the time to schedule your childbirth preparation classes, and to hire your doula if you are planning to do so. I wanted to take a few moments this morning to share with you how I am preparing myself for labor and birth the third time around.  Every pregnancy and birth is unique.  Mothers will find that each pregnancy brings a different set of needs, ideas, and hopes.  Because of this, I don't feel like relying on my past experiences with labor and birth, or even my experiences as a doula as enough to prepare for the birth of my third daughter.  I have chosen to actively prepare once again for this once in a lifetime journey. Earlier this week, I posted this quote on our Facebook page:"As explained earlier, the degree of pain a woman experiences in labor is strongly affected by her emotional state, her environment, and the attitudes of her attendants. Particularly with a baby in a difficult position, these aspects must be optimal for her to move forward." - Elizabeth Davis (world renown midwife and author) This quote was taken from her book with Debra Pascali-Bonaro, Orgasmic Birth.  I highly recommend the movie if you are planning to conceive or are on a pregnancy journey of your own. Taking into consideration this quote, we have some great advice to begin our preparations for labor and birth.  For most women, one of the greatest concerns they have about labor is how they will manage their pain.  It is fabulous to know that by doing a few simple things, you can create a situation for yourself that allows you to increase your pain threshold and reduce the need for outside medical interventions to decrease your experience of pain.  This quote is the guiding light of my birth preparations at this point in my pregnancy. The Emotional State: Finding a place where you can birth with confidence is the best thing you can do for yourself in pregnancy.  Spending your pregnancy exploring your relationship with yourself, your significant other, your children, and your extended family is so important.  These people will be your life support throughout the journey of pregnancy and motherhood, and in many situations in the labor room as well.  Reducing the possibility of tension between yourself and the people closest to you during the labor process is the first step in creating a state of emotional well-being. "Making time to vent emotions, either by speaking them aloud or writing them down, is necessary in order to sort them out.  Learning to differentiate your feelings from your partner's or any other intimate's is a principal lesson afforded by the Blood Mysteries (times of menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause), essential for finding your new self and new voice for the next phase of your life." - Elizabeth Davis Over the course of the last two months, I have surprised myself with outbursts of emotions that were held within and should have been given a voice long before now.  I've been working on giving a voice to feelings and concerns I have.  I had always thought that it was a sign of strength to not show emotion, but I have since found it weakens the body and the spirit.  I now know that releasing those emotions is healthier than holding on to them indefinitely.  Labor is not the time that you will want to just begin dealing with fears/emotions that might come up for you. Also, if you have experienced past birth trauma as I have, pregnancy is a time to revisit your feelings about what happened to you then, and how it may affect your labor and birth experience now.  I am approaching this pregnancy and birth from a very strong place of healing regarding my past birth experiences, and I am excited to have a new experience to add to these past ones.  Yet, I have found it necessary to approach this pregnancy and birth as a profound spiritual practice.  I have been training with Stephanie Dawn, the creator of Sacred Birth and author of the Sacred Birth Workbook, for over a year now in order to offer this approach to expecting mothers who seek to use their pregnancy and birth as a spiritual practice and use their spirituality to prepare for birth.  Her classes and workbook are my chosen childbirth preparation course this time around.  I feel like I understand well what is happening physically to my body in birth, and with her work, I am nurturing a healthy emotional connection to labor and birth, as well as equipping myself with spiritual tools that I can use in labor such as prayer, meditation, and affirmations to help me cope with the sensations I will experience. The Environment: The environment where you will give birth can have the biggest impact on how you will experience labor and birth.  The place and caregiver you choose for your birth is probably the most important decision you can make.  This time around, I have chosen a caregiver who is very thorough with me and takes the time to answer all of my questions in detail.  Because of my past experiences, and because I am a mother with special needs - VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) - I chose a caregiver who has extended experience in attending women such as myself in birth.  I am completely comfortable with the caregiver I have chosen and the quality of care I will receive as well as my ability to be comfortable in the place where I will birth. Every woman's comfort level with care providers and places of birth will be different.  For some, the hospital will be the most comfortable place, for others it might be home.  It is important to look closely at the needs of your pregnancy and the possible needs of your labor and birth when choosing a birth setting and care provider.  Interviewing care providers is a good idea before settling in to someone particular.  Also, know it is ok to change your care provider if you no longer feel comfortable in their care. A really good addition to the birth environment can be a doula.  I have chosen my business partner - Heather - as my doula this time around.  My sister who is also a nurse will be with me as well.  Part of a doula's job is keeping the birthing environment comfortable for the mother.  For example, one of my strongest memories with my second labor was nurses laughing loudly in the hallway.  I was having to vocalize loudly as I was experiencing back labor.  I was a bit self-conscious of this, and I had convinced myself that the nurses were laughing at me.  It made it very hard to concentrate on labor and it increased the pain I felt.  It made me cry.  My doula helped by telling the nurses that I was being disturbed by their congregating next to my room, and I calmed down as they moved on.  The lesson here is to have a birth team who understands your environmental needs, and can help you create a sanctuary for the birth of your baby. The Attitudes of the Attendants: As mentioned previously, along with birthing environment, those who will be with you during your birth - the birth team - will be among the most important decisions you'll make for your birth.  The most important of these will be your doctor or midwife and next your doula.  You should always feel respected by these attendants, and safe in their care.  You should always feel as if your thoughts and questions are heard and accounted for.  If they come into your labor room with a negative attitude or speak to you in a manner that makes you feel like you are lesser than or being disrespected, then this will impact the progress of your labor. You will no longer feel you are in a safe environment or protected, and your labor may stall.  For more information on Choosing a Care Provider and Choosing a Doula - click on the links.  You always want to ensure that you feel like you are the most important person in the decision making surrounding any needs that might come up during labor and birth.  Open communication is key to this.  This sort of relationship with your care provider is fostered during your prenatal appointments.  If you do not feel like you prenatal visits are adequate or what you would like for them to be, consider finding another care provider.  Why?  Think about what your labor and birth might be like with this same person that you already feel like is not giving you the care you feel you deserve. The next consideration is who else other than essential people will you have in the birthing room.  My recommendation is that everyone have a job to do.  You don't want to feel like a circus side show while you are trying to cope with labor.  Your labor is not a spectator sport.  You also don't want people in the room who are too nervous or overly emotional in difficult situations. I am planning on having my caregiver, my husband, doula, my sister, and my daughters (if all is going well and I still desire them there in labor).  Also, remember that your caregiver will likely have an assistant or several nurses which they will require in the room during the pushing/birthing stage of labor.  Most hospitals have a 3 person limit for non-personnel birth attendants, and that is a good rule.  The hospital room can fill up fast with nurses and nursing assistants depending on your needs, you baby's needs, and the desire of your caregiver. With these things in place, I am feeling confident that I will be ready come the day of birth for my third daughter.  It's so exciting and fun to plan for labor and birth.  I'm feeling strong kicks as I write, and I'm overjoyed to have this opportunity again.  I hope this helps you think about planning your labor and birth as well.  If you have any questions, feel free to email me at info@birthtrue.com, or comment below. Many happy days... Kelli